I'm not mad. I'm not angry. I'm not frustrated. I am simply hurt.
I thought about it a lot. For 3 months now, to be exact. I have spent so many days in tears over it and the truth is, I need to let this hurt go. This is my way of letting it go. Everyone is entitled to handle the situation differently and this is how I'm choosing to handle it.
It's just not an easy pill to swallow when two people that you cared about very much (best friends, if you will) make no attempts to 1) meet our first born - especially considering our struggle to conceive, or 2) even ask about our first born and how they're doing.
Since not everyone knows the dynamic of my previous friendships with these ladies, some people may not understand why I'm so deeply hurt. But there are a few things I want to point out.
1) We had the type of friendships where you don't need invitations. They know they are always welcome to visit, call, or text. And I knew I could do the same for them. If I showed up just to see them for no reason, they would not have complained. I would assume that most best friends are like that.
2) Both ladies have one child each - a daughter.
3) Neither lady struggled to conceive their daughter.
4) I had been best friends with these ladies for about 10 years and they were both in my wedding.
Quite honestly, this hurt was all spurred by Facebook. You know how FB reminds you of the various things that happened, "On This Day"? Well. I kept getting reminders over and over about these two friends in particular. I apparently posted over and over again about how excited I was about their daughters being born, and how excited I was to visit them. I decided to take print screens of a few posts that I had made. You can see by the dates that I was there to visit their daughters within 8 days for both of them. Obviously I blurred out names and pictures somewhat because this post isn't about name dropping. If you wanna read some name drops, read this post!
It's ironic to me that all of our daughters were born on the 5th of the month and I was there to visit their daughters (because I couldn't contain my excitement) by the 13th of the month. For both of them. It's severely hurtful that my daughter didn't get the same treatment, or even close to it. And I can't possibly expect others to love my daughter as much as I do. But I would expect my two best friends to have some type of desire to meet my MIRACLE child within a week... or month... or 3 months especially considering our 2 year struggle to get pregnant. But none of that happened.
Thankfully, an awesome pal of mine gave me a lot of encouragement today. She said that it's very possible that God only put those two ladies in my life for a season. And thinking about it now... that makes sense. Maybe I was supposed to have some type of impact on their life for a short period, or vise versa. I shared special memories with those two ladies and wish them the best. But considering how hurt I am, the damage has unfortunately been done and now I have to move onward with the people in my life who care about me and my blessings, just as much as I care about theirs.
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19
"Do not be deceived: Evil company corrupts good habits." 1 Corinthians 15:33