Monday, September 14, 2015

Why I'm So Hurt

I'm not mad. I'm not angry. I'm not frustrated. I am simply hurt.

I thought about it a lot. For 3 months now, to be exact. I have spent so many days in tears over it and the truth is, I need to let this hurt go. This is my way of letting it go. Everyone is entitled to handle the situation differently and this is how I'm choosing to handle it.

It's just not an easy pill to swallow when two people that you cared about very much (best friends, if you will) make no attempts to 1) meet our first born - especially considering our struggle to conceive, or 2) even ask about our first born and how they're doing.

Keep reading.

Since not everyone knows the dynamic of my previous friendships with these ladies, some people may not understand why I'm so deeply hurt. But there are a few things I want to point out. 

1) We had the type of friendships where you don't need invitations. They know they are always welcome to visit, call, or text. And I knew I could do the same for them. If I showed up just to see them for no reason, they would not have complained. I would assume that most best friends are like that. 
2) Both ladies have one child each - a daughter.
3) Neither lady struggled to conceive their daughter.
4) I had been best friends with these ladies for about 10 years and they were both in my wedding.

Quite honestly, this hurt was all spurred by Facebook. You know how FB reminds you of the various things that happened, "On This Day"? Well. I kept getting reminders over and over about these two friends in particular. I apparently posted over and over again about how excited I was about their daughters being born, and how excited I was to visit them. I decided to take print screens of a few posts that I had made. You can see by the dates that I was there to visit their daughters within 8 days for both of them. Obviously I blurred out names and pictures somewhat because this post isn't about name dropping. If you wanna read some name drops, read this post!

First person

Second person
It's ironic to me that all of our daughters were born on the 5th of the month and I was there to visit their daughters (because I couldn't contain my excitement) by the 13th of the month. For both of them. It's severely hurtful that my daughter didn't get the same treatment, or even close to it. And I can't possibly expect others to love my daughter as much as I do. But I would expect my two best friends to have some type of desire to meet my MIRACLE child within a week... or month... or 3 months especially considering our 2 year struggle to get pregnant. But none of that happened. 

Thankfully, an awesome pal of mine gave me a lot of encouragement today. She said that it's very possible that God only put those two ladies in my life for a season. And thinking about it now... that makes sense. Maybe I was supposed to have some type of impact on their life for a short period, or vise versa. I shared special memories with those two ladies and wish them the best. But considering how hurt I am, the damage has unfortunately been done and now I have to move onward with the people in my life who care about me and my blessings, just as much as I care about theirs.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19

"Do not be deceived: Evil company corrupts good habits." 1 Corinthians 15:33

13 comments:

  1. I know how you feel. My best friend from high school and I have drifted apart. It doesn't help I moved 2 hours away, but really it even started before then. It seems like every time I would go home to visit I'd try to do something with her but something always came up. I even brought her a Christmas present and had to have my mom go to her husband's work to give it to him because my friend couldn't meet up with me before I had to leave town. She did come to my baby shower which I was really happy about and says that once my baby is born she will come down to visit, but I have that feeling that it probably won't happen. We'll see. But yes, I agree that people are put into your life for different purposes and that not everybody is meant to stick around forever. So sorry you've experienced this hurt, but hopefully you can find the friendships you need in other people.

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  2. Yes! U vented now its time to move on. Its not easy to forget the hurtful feelings that came out of this but focus on the people who are showing the same love in return. Some people are just in our lives for a short period and we learn lessons and share memories to grow from experiences.

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  3. Yep...sometimes that just how your journey in life goes. Sometimes certain people aren't meant to take the whole journey with you. I had a friend in high school who I thought I would be friends with forever but as time went on, I realized that she was a different kind of person that I was and the things she like to do weren't me. We sometimes talk but I know that things won't ever be the same. That's ok with me too. I can go on...and will. You will too, sweetie!

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  4. I know exactly how you feel when it's a one-way friendship. If I lived by you, I would come see you and the gorgeous Kensie all the time!

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  5. My only advice is that you can't expect people to have the same set of standards and be the same type of friend you are to them. I wish that I could get back the same level of friendship that I give out to people, but it doesn't happen. Just understand that you can "only do you" and move on.

    I go out of my way for all my friends. Prime example- Wedding showers, birthdays, baby showers etc.. I am always there and alway helping. But when it came to my wedding... not ONE friend threw me a shower. Not even my bridesmaids. No-one even asked or offered. To this day, it still bugs me. But there is nothing I can do to change other people.

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  6. I'm with JoJo on this. You have vented and now it's time to move forward. Yes it sounds very hurtful but there are probably so many other people in your life right now that are so very happy to be a part of it, don't let this situation take over all of the happiness ya know :-) Just forgive and move forward with your precious new little family.

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  7. And now move on. I know its hard, truly hard when people you love disappoint you, but holding onto the anger only makes it worse. Hey I think its awful that my in-laws insist of us traveling to them for Christmas, hello I have a baby.... you want me to fly with a baby to florida for Christmas? but I just let it go.

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  8. I struggle with this so hard. This post made me tear up a bit actually. I always try my hardest at ALL of my friendships, but my BEST FRIEND seems to really care less. Its such a struggle, really it is. You and your precious girl are in my thoughts, I know how hard it is to just want a friend to love you the way you love them. Before you know it, you'll have tons and tons of new mommy friends with baby K and they will always want to hang with you!

    Xo,
    Tiffani
    NotYourAverageSouthernBelle.blogspot.com

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  9. This is one of the hardest parts in life! I recently ended a friendship with a best friend for years who was not acting how a best friend should and as hard as it is to put an end to things like that - it's for the best in the long run and you don't need people who won't treat you or sweet Kensie perfectly in your life!

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  10. I am sending you hugs because I know how hurtful it is when you loose close friends. Unfortunately, some people are not willing to be the same friend to you as you are to them. And it is true that some people are only in our life for a season. I lost my "best friend" of 13 years a few years ago and it hurt bad. Sometimes I still think of her and wonder how she is but I know that it is best that I don't go down that road. You are just precious and so is that baby girl of yours, so don't even sell yourself short and settle for less! It is their loss, not yours!

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  11. WOW I could've wrote this myself!!! I just went through the same exact situation. Having a baby really shows you who your true friends are, apparently. I was upset about it but realized the same thing- maybe we grew apart, and that friendship just wasn't meant to last a lifetime.

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  12. We've kind of gone through something with losing friends. That's a long story in itself. We realized we don't really have any best friends or anything, so now we're just trying to find some! It's not fun!

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  13. Girl, I've felt this before too! Not with children, obviously, but other life issues....especially my wedding. It was a really rough time for me because all of these friends I had thrown showers for, planned their bachelorette parties, traveled long distances for, pretty much all failed me during my wedding. Some didn't even come. One started planning my bachelorette party and then didn't even come. I was really hurt during that time, but it helped me to move on from certain friendships. It's hard for me to let go of people. I try to keep those friendships going and honestly, a lot of them became one way. It's been freeing in the past 2 years to let those friendships go. Every now and then, I'm hurt again and I'm sure when I have kids and they don't seem as interested as I was in their kids, it'll hurt again. That Isaiah verse is good and one that I should remember. I'm trying to remember that some friendships are for a season and that I should focus on my husband, family and future children :) I feel ya though, friend!

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