LITERALLY ob-freaking-sessed with Lauren Daigle's music. My favorite jam at the moment is 'Trust in You' and every time I play it, a couple of things happen:
1) I sing REALLY loud. Annoyingly loud.
2) Kensie gets really calm. She loves that jam too.
3) I feel Jesus sitting next to me.
Anyways, one part of her lyrics ("letting go of every single dream; I lay each one down at Your feet") has really spoken to me lately because I have always been a planner. Type A, fo sho. But those lyrics remind me that these plans I have in my head aren't mine to keep. I need to surrender my plans to Jesus and let him be the one who orchestrates my life. Another one of Lauren Daigle's songs made me cry today (not EVEN kidding!): "There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood." OMG truth right about now, amiright??? So picture this: I'm sitting in Kensie's room, holding her between my legs as we're playing and I'm worshiping. Then those lyrics. I suddenly open my eyes and look around and realize, "Oh my gracious... God was here!!!!" He was in that room, already admiring my decorating skillz (hehe kidding) knowing full well that Kensie and I would be playing in there today. He was there, in her room, long before I was pregnant.
This realization gave me chills and made me cry! I am soooo glad MY plans didn't play out according to MY wishes. Thank God for Kensie Grace and His mercy on me! By the way, can we talk about my stinking darling 5 month old???
Anyways, plans are a funny thing.
So then I got to thinking. I was thinking about what I said I would/wouldn't do once I had a kiddo. Well, it's funny how that works out too. Here's my short but sweet list of my "plans" before I gave birth. I just LOL these days.
Things I said I would do:
* Provide breast-milk for one year
Praise God that I had the ability to breastfeed but a few things happened that deterred me from doing so: 1) My c-section infection took precedence; My body was struggling to heal in a timely manner because of the double infection which made breastfeeding low on my priority list to say the least. 2) I had so much retained fluid that my doc put me on a diuretic which removes all excess fluid from your body. Therefore, hi breast-milk... bye breast-milk, 3) Time. It takes a lot of time to pump, which is what I was planning on doing rather than breastfeeding (this is because my nipples cracked and started bleeding terribly!). Either way, I'm not actually trying to justify my decision. I know for a fact I did what was best for lil ole Kensie G! She hearts formula and is thriving!
* Lose my baby weight immediately
I've lost it all except 10 lbs, but I will say this: even though I'm only 10 lbs away, my body is WAY different. But regardless, I'll be honest: I don't even try to lose the weight anymore, but I really should. I miss my cute old clothes! One of these days I'll get my motivation back.
Things I said I wouldn't do:
* Let my kid watch TV until they were at least 2 years old
Um yea right. I am pro-TV when I need a quick mommy minute in the bathroom, or just need to wash bottles before my child gets hungry again. Channel 1306 (Disney) for the win!
* "I'll never have a c-section"
Not that this was a choice, but I never actually though I would have to have a c-section. Let me just say that I didn't even think twice about a cesarean. I've got my small pelvic bone and large daughter to thank for that one. I certainly wish I had known about the sizing issue before I got to 10cm and started pushing for 2+ hours.