Tuesday, February 23, 2016

A Rant That You Might Not Expect

Why I have the time to think is beyond me. I am ridiculously busy (self-proclaimed least bored person on planet earth *points to self*) so when I find myself wondering off, I'm like, "yea, no thanks, brain. I don't have time for that." But one thing that has been on my mind for the past, oh... 8.5 months, is mamahood. I've only just begun yet I feel more confused than when I first started. Here's why:

First, it's a scientific fact that a person needs a heart to live (something about pumping blood). If that's the case, then why do I feel like my heart is outside of my body and in the possession of my kid? I don't remember freely giving my heart away. She just stole it and I am owed an explanation as to how to go about my life for the next 60 years without a heart.

And another thing. Who knew that seeing your kid cry could cause physical pain? I had to learn that the hard way. I am secretly angry at every mom in the universe who never decided to broadcast this fact to other potential moms. Why was I never told it would hurt? I feel gypped. 

Since I'm on a roll, I have a bone to pick with time. Who authorized that time should speed up once you become a mama? When you said 'babies don't keep', I didn't believe you but now I see you were right all along.

Guilty: I've wondered, "Am I equipped for these deep, intense emotions?" And while I don't feel confident in my own answer, I rest assured that Jesus knew what He was doing when He answered my prayer to make me a mama. And I am so so so so so so so so so so so glad that Jesus has given me the opportunity to be Kensington's mama. Albeit, I'm a bit fractured by this love (i.e. I'm "lacking" a heart inside my body *insert silly face*), but I wouldn't request it any other way.

Mamahood is hard because there's truly no way to prepare your heart for the impending deportation. Once the heart is stolen by your child(ren), I am not so sure that there's ever a way to get it back. Be brave, mamas.


  1. Your post speaks to many of my concerns of being a mother in the future. You are amazing!

  2. Ugh, time...I agree with you. Time just seems to slip away these days. I've been writing a post on this {in my mind} for the past few days. Since Hadley might be our only baby, I'm trying so so hard to soak up every minute of every phase.

    1. What! Why no more little Hadley's running around? Either way, I'm so glad to hear that youre loving every moment. I hear it goes by quick and from what I can tell over the last 8.5 months, that is true. WAHHH!