Wednesday, February 3, 2016

My Sweet Grandma

Sorry for the lack of writing, but it hasn't been something that I've been interested in since our family experienced a great loss. You never really know how you are going to respond when losing a loved one. I imagine that in every situation, you may act differently. Mainly because every person that touches you is unique and has a different way that they molded your life.

Maybe it's easier to just pretend that it's not happening or that the situation isn't as severe as it really is. Or maybe it's easier to accept it and give into the feelings of sadness. I don't really know what's right - I only know how to act authentically. 

Losing my Grandma Gatewood has been a struggle, but at this point in my life (even as I type this), I am trying not to think about it. Quite honestly, I don't really want to accept it. To think that I cannot call her on the phone anymore... that alone gives me a knot in my throat. I'm not ready.

We somewhat unexpectedly, and very unfortunately, lost Grandma on the 22nd of January. The day before she passed, I woke up and couldn't stop thinking about her. I called her before I did anything else that morning and we had an amazing conversation.

Oh, my grandma was amazing. I wanted to share a few things about her that I just love.

First, grandma always liked to remind me that when I was a baby, I would only be happy in her arms or my moms. No one else made me happy like mom and grandma. Now-a-days, since I'm a mama, I know the happy feeling you get when your baby (or in her case a grandbaby) wants nothing more than to be in your arms. 

Second, several of my memories of grandma include my cousin Amy Jo. Grandma made it her job to ensure our childhood would be full of lasting memories. Things that Amy Jo, grandma and I did included: making mud pies, bathing outside in a bucket (the sound of cicadas will always bring this memory back!), selling "perfume" (aka water) to grandma, birthday trips, and so many more.
Last, one thing that made grandma so amazing was her love for her grandkids and great-grandkids. Seeing this picture (above) of grandma holding my little girl for the very first time makes me cry. It's been hard. It's been really hard. For whatever reason, that I can't quite put into words, I'm very sad that Kensington only got 7.5 months with her great-grandma.

As you can probably tell by reading just a tid bit of my sweet grandma, she enhanced my life greatly. When I think about her, I think about what an inspiration she is. I really... really... really want to be a grandma (and great-grandma) like she was. When she was around, she represented love and Jesus. 

Over the past 4 days, I have been dreaming and thinking about both of my grandmas a LOT. We lost my other grandma (Grandma Nelson) almost 5 years ago to the day that my grandma Gatewood passed. Grandmas are so special. I know they adored each other and are together in Heaven rejoicing.

At grandma's funeral, my cousin spoke and referenced a phrase that grandma always used to say: "I'm going to cloud up and rain all over you." We don't exactly know what that looks like, but we are sure excited for the day that it does cloud up and rain all over us!

9 comments:

  1. Such a beautiful yet hard post to read. I can't imagine the day I lose either one of my grandma's. Luckily my mother had me early and I've had years of fun and wonderful memories with them but with every year that passes I fear that my children may never know their love the way I do. It's one of the biggest reasons we are pulling out all of the stops this year. As my paternal grandparents get older and my grandfather needed a pacemaker this year, and as my maternal grandmother's mind slips a little more every day I just pray that God will slow down just a little and give me time to give them a great grandchild. Hugs and love to you as your mourn this great loss.

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  2. So sorry for your loss. Praying for you and your family.

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  3. Oh I'm so sorry, Allison. Praying for you and your family - take comfort that she is with Jesus and you will see her again one day! She sounds like such an amazing woman :)

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  4. Oh friend. I am grieving for you. Such a hard loss but so glad you had one last conversation. Hold those memories tight and know the grief is real and ok. Prayers and hugs for you and your family.

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  5. I am so sorry for your loss! She sounds like such a great lady! Praying for y'all!

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  6. I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like your Grandma was a beautiful lady. We lost my father in law a year ago...just a month before we found out we were expecting and I hate that my little boy won't know him because he was a great Paw Paw and would have loved him to pieces.

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  7. I'm so sorry for your loss. That's amazing your grandmother was able to meet Kensington though! Will be praying for your family.

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  8. I am so sorry for your loss, she will always be a part of you (and Kensington too!)<3

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  9. I am so sorry for your loss! Prayers for all.

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