Sorry for the lack of writing, but it hasn't been something that I've been interested in since our family experienced a great loss. You never really know how you are going to respond when losing a loved one. I imagine that in every situation, you may act differently. Mainly because every person that touches you is unique and has a different way that they molded your life.
Maybe it's easier to just pretend that it's not happening or that the situation isn't as severe as it really is. Or maybe it's easier to accept it and give into the feelings of sadness. I don't really know what's right - I only know how to act authentically.
Losing my Grandma Gatewood has been a struggle, but at this point in my life (even as I type this), I am trying not to think about it. Quite honestly, I don't really want to accept it. To think that I cannot call her on the phone anymore... that alone gives me a knot in my throat. I'm not ready.
We somewhat unexpectedly, and very unfortunately, lost Grandma on the 22nd of January. The day before she passed, I woke up and couldn't stop thinking about her. I called her before I did anything else that morning and we had an amazing conversation.
Oh, my grandma was amazing. I wanted to share a few things about her that I just love.
First, grandma always liked to remind me that when I was a baby, I would only be happy in her arms or my moms. No one else made me happy like mom and grandma. Now-a-days, since I'm a mama, I know the happy feeling you get when your baby (or in her case a grandbaby) wants nothing more than to be in your arms.
Second, several of my memories of grandma include my cousin Amy Jo. Grandma made it her job to ensure our childhood would be full of lasting memories. Things that Amy Jo, grandma and I did included: making mud pies, bathing outside in a bucket (the sound of cicadas will always bring this memory back!), selling "perfume" (aka water) to grandma, birthday trips, and so many more.
Last, one thing that made grandma so amazing was her love for her grandkids and great-grandkids. Seeing this picture (above) of grandma holding my little girl for the very first time makes me cry. It's been hard. It's been really hard. For whatever reason, that I can't quite put into words, I'm very sad that Kensington only got 7.5 months with her great-grandma.
As you can probably tell by reading just a tid bit of my sweet grandma, she enhanced my life greatly. When I think about her, I think about what an inspiration she is. I really... really... really want to be a grandma (and great-grandma) like she was. When she was around, she represented love and Jesus.
Over the past 4 days, I have been dreaming and thinking about both of my grandmas a LOT. We lost my other grandma (Grandma Nelson) almost 5 years ago to the day that my grandma Gatewood passed. Grandmas are so special. I know they adored each other and are together in Heaven rejoicing.
At grandma's funeral, my cousin spoke and referenced a phrase that grandma always used to say: "I'm going to cloud up and rain all over you." We don't exactly know what that looks like, but we are sure excited for the day that it does cloud up and rain all over us!