Wednesday, June 29, 2016

An Indefinite Change

Sometimes I feel misunderstood. Or maybe it's just that I am really different from some people, but they assume that I'm just like them. I'm not really sure. Either way, during year one of motherhood, I heard two common phrases that quite frankly began to annoy me. These two phrases came from the moms who may be just a hair different than I am (but maybe they thought that I would relate to these phrases).

-"Motherhood can be so lonely..."
-"I'm sure you enjoy your alone time at work"

I know this is going to be uncomfortable for some people to read, but I can NOT relate to either of these things. (Honestly, don't even get me started on the first point).

You see, I was extremely (!!!) blessed to earn a little income AND also stay home full time with the baby for the first year. For those who don't know, I quit my full time job when Kensington was born and started working evenings part time (Monday thru Thursday from 5-10pm). I even opted out of my maternity leave because I didn't want to pass up the job opportunity! Me working part time was our compromise. I saw myself doing that for quite a while, because it provided me the balance that I wanted: my own contribution to the family income + raising our kid. 

Now, a year later, the time has come for us to close one chapter of that book and take on a new adventure. I am positively thrilled to say that tomorrow is my last day of working part time, and I will be staying home full time with Kensington. What a strange concept to not work AT ALL for an indefinite amount of time. One year? Five years? I have no idea. But I feel like I'm just following in the footsteps that God has outlined, plus Ross & I have talked EXTENSIVELY about me not working - so this is not a new subject in the Skinner household.

Me, being a legit, not-working-an-ounce, person allows a few things: 1) it lets me excel where I feel most confident and useful (at least in this season of my life), 2) it will hopefully allow for a more active pregnancy #2 since during my pregnancy with Kensie I had a 8-5 desk job which lead to a lot of swelling issues, and 3) it will give us more quality family time. 

As my work schedule was (see above), I really only got to spend time with Ross late at night and on weekends. I am so thrilled that we're going to have more family time. Plus, we can join another small group together. When I took my part time job, we had to leave the small group at church that we were apart of and I ended up joining a separate morning time small group.

The reason I mentioned those two phrases at the beginning of this post is because I literally feel the opposite about them than some other people may - which is fine - and it completely relates to this subject about being a stay-at-home-mom. Here's why I feel the way I do: 1) By having a child, I actually never feel alone. I know that what I do (mom-ing) matters and I take great pride and joy in doing it daily. I feel like I have a real purpose, and that includes staying home with her to teach her and experience all of the first's. 2) I HATE being away from my family. Even on the stressful, hard, exhausting days. I simply don't enjoy my alone time; I want to be with Kensie Grace and Ross. (Disclaimer: That's just how I am. That's how God programmed Allison Skinner. If you can't really relate to where I'm coming from, there's nothing wrong with you - or me - we're just wired differently!)

There won't be a huge change in mine and Kensington's daily routine since I already stay home with her full time during the day, but I am confident that having my evenings spent at home (all together, just the four of us - hi baby #2) will allow our fam the balance that we want.

I am so thankful for God's provision and giving me the opportunity to spend even more time with my little girl and my hubby. I think it's really special that God has such a unique plan for each and every family (there's no right or wrong; good or bad plan) and this blog post is simply to share how God has orchestrated little details in our lives. He cares about the details in each person's life and this change in our situation is just another reflection of that. (Seriously from the day Kens was born, God has really shown his presence in our family life. For example: he gave Ross a pretty nice promotion the same week Kensington was born! That's not just a coincidence.)

I feel so much excitement in knowing that I get to spend more time with my family, but I'm also super sad. For one: I get attached to people very easily. I really really like being around my colleagues. Saying, "good-bye" is awkwardly hard for me. I cried earlier just thinking about my departure (oh and I also cried earlier reading an Instagram post, so I think it's pretty apparent that I'm an emotional basket case). Second: the uncertainty of me not bringing any income to the family is a strange feeling too.

I am confident this is the right decision for us but I've always struggled with change.

To end this post, I am just going to say that being a stay-at-home-mom is not always easy. I feel like I'm having to get creative constantly to entertain the baby and still get stuff done around the house. BUT, it has been the biggest blessing that comes along with having a child, and I find that it's full of so much joy and happiness. I really love spending each waking moment with her. One of my favorite (unfortunately unproductive) things to do is to watch Kensie Grace nap. I mean...
p.s. homegirl loves fleece blankies.
p.p.s. seeing these pictures made me hungry to eat her thighs. BRB.